After going to Czech Republic for a week and having another week and some days of pure writing laziness I decided not to give up. I am resuming the whole writing : blogs, diaries, essays and shopping lists, cooking recipes, all included.
The setting:
My place, wearing pijamas, listening to one of my favourites, " Good Day" by the Dresden Dolls.
I have been doing very well the last couple of days. But this morning I just got the blues, I guess. Waking up and feeling incredibly cold, even though it is some 34ºC or more... what can one do about it....
A lot of religious stuff has been on my mind. I am planning to write some small thing about God and romantic love. I will post it if I ever make it to the end.
Meetings
I guess I have to tell about when I came back from Markéta's place. guess what? I managed to miss the plane. No, I was not stuck in the airport, I just came a day late! So, I am in Prague airport, missed my flight by one day. Managed to get home in the same day by spending all the money I could have used in my little solitary july trip around Spain - which is not happening. Then, after all this misery, I get into the plane and I meet, no more no less, than this guy who was Vasco's best friend. He remembered me from last summer when was down there for, actually, his birthday party! Interestingly, he said my necklace was the same but I was much taller and a bit different. Well, we travelled together and talked all afternoon, had a beer in Frankfurth. It was great, he is studying Medicine in Prague and loads of very inetresting ideas about many things.
While talking, for reasons which are not of much importance now, I told myself something I had realised long time ago. I really need to go and love in that room in Vancouver, to decorate it with all my stuff, to lay down in bed and have the room covered with papers, to invite poeple in and out and feell that is exclusively my responsability. In short, I don't think I could live with my parents again. The holidays are ok, but not more than that. I love them and love being with them, they take me seriously and are supportive and we have the best talks. But I guess I just need a bit of adventure, a bit of space. I tasted it at UWC and now I want more. It is not that strange a thing to feel completely alive.
The Paradox
Another thing has been on my mind since I visited some of my parent's friends this weekend. I was a bit upset when going home, 'cause as usual, nobody inquired about me, nor seemed to care about me studying in Vancouver or the Norway. It is the usual stuff, really, I am used to it and ask for no more. But, even though I understand there are no good reasons for them to care or to listen to me or to even take me serious in conversations when I try to say something important, I somehow have difficulty in accepting it. It is difficult to be a person you are not - to be the invisible little child, silent. And this becomes a bigger identity problem in this way: I don't want to be a pseudo-intellectual ellite, I want to get along with the people I grew up around, simple as they may be. However, when I am around them, I die a little inside and I dislike them. i want to love my country, my people, but they are not mine nor I am theirs. One of the great paradoxes of life. Living is finding ways to cope, I guess.
Bohemia
On a more positive tone, Czech Republic was a great week. Truly great. Markéta was the most adorable and fantastic person as usual and we had loads of fun going around her region. Once we were in her city and these Czech guys with a camera, about our age, came up to us to interview us. First question was : do you think that Elvis Presley, the king of Rock'n'roll is dead? You can imagine it was quite hilarious... Anyhow, beautiful country, nice people and verrry good food! We went to thsi Jazz club in Praha which was really nice, with great musicians and a very good-looking guy on the piano. Loads of stupid American tourists though spoiling the whole picture. Just need to be ignored while you appreciate the Cathedral.
Books
Wel, I am almost in love with Kerouac. I am reading "on the Road" and I just wished I had read it earlier. It is beautiful, poetic and makes me travel at night to beautiful sunny plains in America, hitch hiking in some stranger's car and talking about what really matters. When I get old I will buy myself a little trailer and live driving around the whole North America, with rose coloured sunglasses and long white monlight shaded hair.
Films
I have seen a lot of them lately. I have become a regular at the local film club, so you can imagine. I saw "Lady in the Water" and loved it, one of those movies that makes you cry with excitment in my opinion. Then yesterday I had the Tv on and it was 12:30 p.m. A portuguese movie started, called "Evil". I saw 20 minutes and went away - typical Portuguese bad stuff. It is a movie that does not make sense, even though it has a very clear social and intellectual intention. So, what happens is that you think that it is you who can't get it... well, you got to be living in Portugal to understand this... anyhow, Portuguese cinema is a decaying institution with no past glories.
"- If you don't want to be a laywer... what do you want to do?
- ....I want to dance!"
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