the 2009 post

A pedido de muitas famílias... (Portuguese expression that acknowledges that this post was written under requests from ...* many families* = that person that wrote some strange Galician sounding suff on my wall)

It is the first day of the year and I realised I haven't done 2 things since my birthday in November:

A - written to some regular correspondents

B - written on my blog!

Where am I? Right now, Portugal, at my house enjoying the last evening of fireplace, at least 15ºC outside and nothing of schoolwork to do. I will miss this. Tomorrow, Amsterdam and then Vancouver after 9 hours which I hope will enable me to produce a scarf and a hat for myself.

I came home for the holidays after a quite busy exam period (it paid off on the grades). I went to my grandmother's for Christmas and the next day I flew to Paris. Spent the weekend there with my family and met Valerie, her sister, Maria and Kathu for a very nice tea time near the notre Dame. And I also went to the Cinematheque and saw an amzing exhibition : Dennis hooper et le Nouvelle Hollywood. It was like being in Disneyland for me. Just way better.


NEW YEAR

No I didn't party. Yes, I watched a Western on TV. Yes, I drank champagne, had cake and watched the guys on the building in front of mine walking on the roof. It was lovely.

But it meant a bit more this year, maybe... (I am working hard at giving meaning to this socially accepted celebrations). I made a sort of forcible start over.

This Year I had a "How idiotic of me!" moment. A big one. So, I have been working all year to do two things.

1 Get rid of melancholy for no reason and pseudo-teen angst of any kind. no, i don't have to be smiling all the time, but I can be a grown woman about some stuff. This makes me stop annoying friends family and strangers on public transports.

2 Forget. Eliminate. Obliterate from memory.

About the second.
People go on and on about facing reality, facing the truth and your biggest fears. Bla bla bla.
I disagree. You can forget stuff. No, not alchool or drugs. That just makes it blurry! you got to work hard at mentally lying to yourslef so that you will eventually have made a new psychological truth. Pretend it never happened to yourself! And then, it never did!

to quote Morrison. hatred is a very underestimated feeling. Why hate, why feel disgusted at thoughts. just cut it off your memory.

And if others remind you, eliminate their messages, never answer their calls,etc. After all, silence is golden! And you can keep the silence, you have the right to it.

Wow, sounds like a cheap self-help book. But it is a stance about life that I am embracing and that I truly believe gives us a stronger sense of authorship and control about our story.

must go, pack my bags. pack up the show, cross the sea...



Someday I will be an old lady with long white hair and rose shades.

And I will have pearls around my neck and a turtle on my bed.