The adorable post

I am in the middle of planing my presentation for tomorrow. But I have to write, I must write. It is sort of like knitting, a therapy we all need. Because the most important thing I have learned recently is that keeping yourself together takes time and you just ahve to write it down in your timetable.

I have a problem. I have many.

Who doesn't?

Why do I feel like writing about them and not about other people's? Someone once gave me a good answer to that eternal question. My problems are more important to me because they are mine. There we go, that little pre-problem aside, we can get into the real thing.

It is about being adorable. I have been thinking. That is what many people say I look like, that I am. Adorable. I used to get along with this. But I don't anymore. Simply because I have not understood it! Why do people call me this when I make a joke or a comment? Why do people say I look lost and confused and that thus I am adorable. I don't know if I like this word anymore. It makes me feel small and slighlty clumbsy. It seems like I don't really make sense. That worries me. And I can't helped but be worried. After all, I might not be getting accross as the person I am.

And that means so much to me. I think it does to everyone. Sharing who you really are. But then, who are you? I find myself thinking that so much these days. Problem: when I am being clumbsy or childish or weak or awckward or something I don't like to be depicted as, I think of who I really am. but what if I am only that, that adorable (whatever that means) person that acts in a social setting. Because that is what I do all the times. Well, except for when I am with a person I love. That seems to be the exception: when I fall in love is because I feel different, I act like I like to act around that person and that person likes me to do so and enjoys it. That is why I don't fall in love very often, maybe?

I stay here for today. Just a little song, the best song I have hear in the last 2 days. It is beautiful, it is the most beautiful song about a three way love affair. And it sort of reassures me of what I think, what I believe in and the fact that, at some point, someone believed it too.


Because that is what life is about. Getting out of yourself by formulating sentences ending with "too".





TRIAD
by David Crosby
Performed on the Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young album "4 Way Street"

You want to know how it will be
Me and her or you and me
You both sit there with your long hair flowing
Your eyes alive, your minds are still growing
Saying to me what can we do now that we
Both love you -- I love you too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three

You are afraid, embarrased too, no one has ever in your sweet short life child
Said such a thing to you
Your mother's ghost stands at you shoulder
Got a face like ice -- just a little colder
Saying you can not do that it breaks all the rules
You learned in school
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three

You know we love each other, it's plain to see
There's just one answer comes to me
Sister lovers -- some of you must know about water brothers
And in time maybe others
So you see what we can do
Is to try something new - that is if you're crazy too
But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three