After the last slightly hyper post, something more pondered. Soundtrack: Funeral the album by Arcade Fire. Simply because this is the stuff I hear all the time in my Mp3 player whenever I take a bus to Lisbon and the airport. It always means some good times are on the way, that I went to meet someone, to be adventurous for a day somewhere away.
That is exactly what I fell like these days: be adventurous. explore this whole freaking continent that lies beyond the mountains of Vancouver. And yet, here I am buying tickets to go on Winter holiday home. First I fell bad since I know so many people cannot go and spend their holidays with their families and I have the priviledge of doing so and being "unsure" about it. I realise how spoiled I am really. Second, I would really love to stay, get on a bus and go around Canada. Problem: with whom? I plan to go alone if needed to San Francisco, but that is in the summer: biiig difference. So, I am a 17 old little girl scared of getting frozen alone somewhere. That is the thing I hate about myself at the moment.
A second note.
I am officialy sort of disappointed with University. I know, I know. This setence probably worries the people who might read this and care about me. It is not I am depressed in my room and hating everything around me. No. I guess, I just thought it would be different. I thought about loads of very ineteresting people,with true intellectual commitment. I thought of agitation, alternative stuff, of revolutionary ideas, questioning the status quo. Well, I guess I was thinking Paris 1968 or Berkely 67 or something of that sort, with Woodstock mixed in it. No, it is not like that here. It is not like people will take a van and go and travel to California in the summer.There is no big subversive stuff going on. No idealistic groups, anarchic movements or pacifist activism. nope... Things are a bit milder, more politically correct, I guess. More normal.
Still in search for that ideal of University, I went to the Women's Centre. HeY! I am a feminist. There should be something I liked, some people I could identify with. 'Cause I was going down in my room, so I need to "get involved" and meet others. After all, it couldn't be all Christian or Asian (or both in one) groups! There should be something for me besides knitting (I am seriously questioning why did I sign up for that again...). So I go in and I talk to some people (girls), get some books, fill out a volunteering paper. But still, I don't have a great feeling about it. It is the exclusivity, the fear, the "womanly" side of it that bothers me, strangely enough. They have a lounge, just for self-identified women there. People nap there and bake. They have self-defense classes and "knitiing and bitching" sessions.
....?
I don't like the way the whole thing sounds, at least for now.
I know this is not "Flekke buble" and that this kinds of organistations have to go thourgh a lot. Still, I think there is too much politicla correctness and orthodoxy on the ways of seeing the feminist issue here, too little exploration of various approaches. Nto that I possess that, but I was expecting it to be found on a Univeristy level institution (again the intelectual community thing...). I also reject the idea that women ought to have a "fortress" (menaing exlcusive space) on campus. It is based on the assumption that women fell better among women. That was not so great when me and two of my friends wanted to bake cookies - one of them was a guy... Besides, the self-defense classes, as a main activity of teh center. While I acknowledge their value and the fact there is a significant rate of violence against women, I also think they perpetuate a climate of fear and of constant threat: women MUST be worried, more worried than men or any common citizen.
It all comes down to a core issue: to strive towards equality requires that we feel equality. Self-identification, sense of automatic entitlement is the basis for change of social attitude. The feeling that women are marginalised in the every-day dealings of an action group like this is important, but cannot take over. Because, remeber, that is exactly what we are trying to go against.
Male involvement is also a problem. They are described as "male allies". Allies misses the point, in my opinion. Men are directly involved as citizens in the feminist issue. The idea that oppressed groups should stand alone for ever is self-contradictory if we have equality in mind. Men must be a part of this struggle if we are to make effective change towards the idea that gender should not determine and limit a citizen's life and real opportunities.
I must say I was quite put off from my feminist ideas. But then, I remebered "Gender and Sexuality" in the college. And I realised what an honour it was to be part of that, how great it was! The discussion of concepts, of mind sets and of so many issues that we engaged in there was of a great quality.
In the end, I ended up filling out the volunteering paper. Who knows? At least they have a great library.
And someone in a window accross mine will yawn and I will stare...
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